Goodbye Muffin-top

It's sunday, and after 5 gym classes this week I'm feeling great! It's pretty much like taking a knife and carving off your fat when you do Les Mills. Amazing how quick it changes your body. My muffin top is almost no more.  And I had a good week getting things sorted... working through my problems one by one. It was pretty easy. I went to Billy Hide + Alan's music store and bought a keyboard case that I can carry, along with a seat and stand.  Chucked it on the credit card, sort it out later.  My demo CD's arrived, but I wasn't home so they'll be redelivered tomorrow and then Tuesday I will head out to book some shows.  My mac power cable broke and I bought a new one.  My singer/songwriter friend Kerryn Maree booked two gigs in August for us!! And she has a station wagon which will help with my gear if I need it.  Everything is falling into place.  The nannying job is going well, this family are really nice. Sabine has an awesome kitchen so I've been enjoying cooking for them. My favourite so far was the Jamie Oliver mushroom risotto. Apparently I'm quite good at cooking!

This week I'm going to 'Play It Like A Girl' a networking/open mic night for chick musicians. Should be fun.  And Paul arrives on Friday(my birthday) for the weekend which I'm REALLY excited about, because I miss him lots. And I miss my guitar. Can't wait for him to bring it over. 

Two weeks and I'm sorted - not bad! Now all that's left to do is get out there and sing.

HOW?

I've changed my mind... I'm going to write this journal whenever I feel like it, but AT LEAST every Sunday.  Because I want to vent some of my emotions from today.

I haven't been to the gym regularly over the past couple of months, and felt really upset at the gym tonight, my body was jiggling all over the place and I just felt really dissapointed that I hadn't kept up my fitness.  Too much wine and cake and oh my god, the fridge where I'm staying is filled with kiddy snacks.  It's so hard to not eat it when it's right in front of you, and you're dishing it out to for them to eat!

The strategy that has worked for me is 1. only have healthy food in the house. 2. Do one Les Mills group fitness class per day, 6 times per week. end of story.

When I can achieve this, I am super happy and powerful and life is amazing.  Like when I was in Boston.  Since probably last December I've been on a gradual downhill slide.... life seems to just get in the way. Going out to gigs, drinking wine, sleeping late instead of working out... baking cupcakes...


During the class I had tears in my eyes, I wonder what the instructor was thinking!! I was overwhelmed by the feeling that there is just too much to do and I can't do it.  By the way I hate saying 'I can't'.... it's yuck. And just yesterday I thought I had it sorted.  Little things like, how am I going to get my keyboard to a gig.  I don't have a seat and a stand.  I really need a car, but I need money to get a car.  Sometimes I get sick of just surviving, and I get tired.  I see the lines starting under my eyes.  In a huge city trying to cut through and be heard.  Battling.  For what? What do I really want and need to be happy? To live in the moment. To create.  To love.  To eat healthy and go to Les Mills.  To write great songs.  Right now, all the rest just seems like a huge fuckin waste of time. Who even cares if I record another CD.  Who even buys CD's anyway!!!!!!  Except I can't just not do this, because it's like failing. I can't just go home, it's like giving up. It is giving up. And I'm not like that.  I feel like I've given up on being an artist.  Pat told me my job was to write great songs and look hot.  I liked that job.  But it's not just about that.  Somehow, I have to create a 'buzz' all on my own in Melbourne.  Somehow I am expected to magically pull an album out my ass and get signed. Somehow. HOW? That is the question I'm firing out to you, universe.  The question that I'm determined to get an answer from.


Ok. hopefully I've got that out of my stupid system.









 

Winging It

I've been in Melbourne one week now.  And I figured writing some kind of journal would be a good idea. In the past I've been bad at consistently writing - it seems to be easy for the first week, or month, and then things come up and suddenly there's no more journal.  This time I'm going to write once a week.  On a sunday.  


A lot has happened in a week... none of which I planned before I came.  I basically have 'winged it'... which you have to learn to do as a musician.  And the more I look at other artist's careers, the more I realise that everyone else is kind of winging it too - making it up as they go along.  There is no set way, set path, set strategy that can be applied to everyone.  As my friend Bryce said over coffee on Wednesday 'It's like walking up a hill blindfolded'. We each have our own talents, our own journeys, our own lessons to learn. And we each get our different breaks along the way. So this is how my first week in Melbourne unfolded.  

On Sunday I crashed at a house that belongs to two of my friends from highschool, with the intention of finding a flat within a week.  After doing a few calculations and flatmate searches I realised I couldn't actually afford to pay rent and bond unless I had a job - which I'm trying to avoid! 

On Monday I caught a train to the city and opened a Westpac bank account(which was really simple), and then bought a prepaid $29 (yes -$29) vodafone cellphone that came with $10 credit.  I also had two salmon avocado sushi rolls which were fantastic. We don't do sushi rolls in NZ but we should.

Tuesday I bought a hairdryer and put an ad on Gumtree advertising myself as a 'live in nanny', stating that I would babysit kids in return for accommodation.  This seemed like a good solution to my job/accommodation problem - even though I have no experience.  Within an hour I received 2 phone calls - one from a guy wanting me to work in his erotic massage business in return for accommodation(which I declined) and one from an american lady wanting a live in nanny for her two children.  So I start June 20th, and until then another family have hired me as a temporary nanny.


I feel retrospectively silly that I ever worried about how I was going to make it.  I'll always make it. That's what I've learned this week. Things always work out. I've just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And taking leaps into the unknown with faith that something will appear for me to land on.